Why does my child struggle with transitions and change?
- Dr Harry Woodward
- Jan 27
- 3 min read
AI generated image
If getting out of the house in the morning feels like organising a small military operation- shoes on, shoes off, shoes mysteriously vanished- you are very much not alone. For many children (especially those with ADHD, autism, or related neurodevelopmental differences), moving from one activity to another can feel genuinely overwhelming, even when the next thing is something they enjoy.
Let’s gently unpack why this happens and what it means for your child.
What do we mean by “transitions”?
A transition is any shift from one thing to another.
That might be:
Stopping play to eat dinner
Leaving the house for school
Switching from maths to English
Turning off the iPad for bedtime
For some children, these moments feel like stepping off a moving treadmill- sudden, uncomfortable, and completely out of their control.
Why are transitions so hard for neurodivergent children?
Children with ADHD, autism, and sensory differences process the world differently. Transitions pull on several brain systems all at once and that can be a lot to handle.
1. Their brain struggles to “shift gears”
Many children with ADHD and autism have difficulties with cognitive flexibility- the ability to stop one thing and start another. This is part of executive function, the brain’s management system.
When a child is deeply focused (or emotionally invested), switching tasks can feel physically uncomfortable - almost like being yanked out of a warm bath.
The NHS explains how executive functioning affects planning, focus, and flexibility in children with neurodevelopmental conditions.
2. Predictability feels emotionally safe
For many autistic children, routines create a sense of safety. Sudden change can feel threatening, even if nothing bad is happening.
The brain is constantly asking, “What happens next?”
If it doesn’t know, anxiety rises and behaviour follows.
The National Autistic Society explains how change and uncertainty can trigger distress.
3. Their nervous system is already working harder
Many neurodivergent children have more sensitive sensory systems. A noisy classroom, bright lights, uncomfortable clothing, or hunger can all push their nervous system closer to overload.
When you then add a transition- another demand- the system tips over.
Meltdowns or shutdowns aren’t “bad behaviour”; they’re a nervous system asking for relief.
4. They may not feel “finished”
Children with ADHD often experience hyperfocus — deep, immersive attention. Being interrupted can feel genuinely distressing, not just annoying.
It’s not stubbornness. It’s their brain saying, “Wait, I wasn’t done yet.”
The CDC explains how ADHD affects attention and regulation.
Why does this look like tantrums, tears, or refusal?
From the outside, transition struggles can look like:
Explosions
Tears
Running away
Shouting
Flat refusal
Inside, what’s usually happening is:
“I feel unsafe, rushed, confused, or overwhelmed, and I don’t have the skills yet to explain that.”
That’s not naughtiness. That’s a developing brain in distress.
Is this something we should get assessed?
If your child’s difficulty with transitions is frequent, intense, or affecting school, family life, or emotional wellbeing, it can be helpful to explore whether ADHD, autism, or sensory processing differences are part of the picture.
NICE guidance supports assessment when these challenges significantly impact daily functioning.
A neurodevelopmental assessment doesn’t label your child- it explains them.
The kind (and hopeful) truth
Your child isn’t being awkward.
Their brain just finds change harder.
And the lovely thing about brains?
They grow.
With the right understanding, support, and expectations, children who struggle with transitions can learn ways to move through change more calmly and parents can finally stop feeling like they’re constantly fighting invisible battles.
You’re not failing.
You’re parenting a beautifully different nervous system.
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