Why does my child seem exhausted after school?
- Dr Harry Woodward
- Jan 28
- 3 min read
AI generated image
If your child arrives home from school looking like they’ve just completed a triathlon (despite only doing PE and phonics), you are not imagining things.
Many children- especially those with ADHD, autism, or other neurodevelopmental differences- don’t just get tired at school. They get neuro-tired. And that kind of exhaustion runs deep.
Let’s talk about why it happens, what it means, and what you can gently do to help.
School is harder than it looks
From the outside, school might seem fairly relaxed: a bit of reading, some maths, lunch, maybe a story.
Inside your child’s brain, it can feel more like trying to do a jigsaw puzzle on a rollercoaster.
Children with ADHD or autism often have differences in attention, sensory processing, emotional regulation, and executive function (the brain skills that help us plan, focus, organise and cope with change).
The NHS describes ADHD as involving difficulties with attention, impulse control and activity levels, all of which make everyday tasks more effortful
Autistic children, meanwhile, may experience sensory overload, social confusion, and increased anxiety in busy environments
Put simply: school takes more brain-power for them than for most children.
The hidden workload your child is carrying
Here’s what your child might be juggling all day:
Filtering out background noise
Sitting still when their body wants to move
Following multi-step instructions
Coping with changes to routine
Reading social cues
Managing emotions quietly
Trying very hard not to stand out
This constant self-control is known as masking- when a child suppresses their natural responses to fit in. Research shows this is common in both autistic children and those with ADHD, and it is mentally exhausting.
By the time they get home, their nervous system is often completely spent, which is why meltdowns, tears, zoning out or crankiness suddenly appear after school.
They’re not “being difficult.”
They’re running out of batteries.
Why executive function makes everything harder
Children with ADHD and autism often have differences in executive function- the brain’s “management system”.
This affects skills like:
Starting tasks
Switching between activities
Remembering what to do
Managing time
Keeping emotions steady
NICE (the UK’s clinical guidance body) recognises these challenges as core features of ADHD
Using these skills all day is tiring for anyone.
For neurodivergent children, it’s like running your brain on a phone battery that drains twice as fast.
Why it shows up at home
School is where your child holds it together.
Home is where they finally feel safe enough to let go.
That’s why you might see:
Big emotions
Irritability
Clinginess
Shutdown
Explosive meltdowns
Or total couch-collapse
This isn’t bad behaviour.
It’s recovery.
How you can help your exhausted child
You don’t need complicated strategies. You need kind, predictable recovery time.
1. Create a soft landing after school
Think: low demands, not more pressure.
A snack, quiet play, screen time, cuddles, or being left alone- whatever helps them reset.
2. Don’t start with questions
“How was your day?” can feel overwhelming.
Let them decompress first.
3. Keep evenings simple
This is not the time for emotional discussions, homework battles, or surprise plans.
4. Watch for patterns
If exhaustion is extreme, persistent, or affecting sleep and mood, it may be a sign your child needs extra support at school or a neurodevelopmental assessment.
You can explore this through your GP or privately with a specialist clinic like NeuroDiverseKids.
One last reassuring thought
If your child falls apart after school, it’s not because they’ve had a bad day.
It’s because they’ve had a brave one.
They’ve spent hours navigating a world that asks more of their brain than most people realise and then they come home to you, where they finally get to be themselves.
That’s not weakness.
That’s trust 💛
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