Can you be autistic and not know it?

AI generated image​

A guide from Dr Woodward – NeuroDiverseKids.co.uk

(Yes. And no, it doesn’t mean you’ve been “missing the obvious” for 30 years.)

If you’re a parent who’s been deep-diving into autism signs for your child - somewhere between your third cup of tea and your sixth open browser tab - there’s a good chance you’ve wondered: “Hang on… could I be autistic too? And just never realised?”

The short answer is: absolutely, yes.

The longer answer is: yes, and it’s more common than you’d think.

Many adults grow up without a diagnosis because autism simply wasn’t widely recognised or understood when they were younger - especially in girls, women, and anyone who presented as “quiet,” “bright,” or “just a bit different”. But let’s break it down properly.

Why do some autistic adults grow up undiagnosed?

1. Diagnostic understanding has changed - dramatically

The autism landscape of the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s was, shall we say… limited. Many children who would now meet criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) were labelled “quirky,” “shy,” “gifted,” “awkward,” or “difficult to read.”

Research and public awareness have since moved on significantly (thankfully). Autism is now recognised as a spectrum of strengths, challenges, and differences, rather than a narrow set of behaviours.

A good starting point is the NHS overview of autism in adults:

2. Masking is very real

Many autistic adults become experts at masking - consciously or unconsciously copying social behaviours, rehearsing conversations, or suppressing natural instincts in order to “fit in.”

Masking can be incredibly effective… but also exhausting.

And it’s one of the biggest reasons people reach adulthood without realising they’re autistic.

For a clear clinical explanation, see the National Autistic Society:

3. Strengths often camouflage struggles

Autistic adults frequently develop excellent “workarounds”:

• Becoming highly organised to compensate for executive function difficulties

• Choosing careers that suit their interests or routines

• Avoiding overwhelming environments

• Using humour or politeness as social shields

These strengths don’t cancel out autism - they just make it less obvious from the outside.

Signs of autism adults often notice in themselves

While every autistic person is unique, there are common themes adults recognise when they start asking the “Could this be me?” question.

1. Social fatigue or needing recovery time

You may manage social situations well - but need hours (or days) afterwards to decompress.

2. Sensory sensitivities

Loud hand dryers, fluorescent lights, supermarket chaos, scratchy labels, or strong smells might feel… well, personally offensive.

3. Longstanding difficulties with small talk or unspoken social rules

You might relate strongly to:

• “Why does everyone else seem to have a script for conversations?”

• “Why do people say one thing and mean another?”

• “Why is networking a form of torture?”

  
  

4. Deep focus and special interests

Autistic adults often have areas of intense knowledge or passion - sometimes called “special interests.” These aren’t hobbies; they’re joy-fuelled deep dives.

5. Executive function challenges

Starting tasks, switching tasks, organising paperwork, remembering appointments…Difficult?

Relatable? A daily battle?

Executive function differences are extremely common in autistic adults. The CDC offers a helpful overview:

6. Feeling “different” since childhood

​Not wrong. Just different, in ways that didn’t have a name at the time.

So… can you really be autistic and not know it?

In short: yes. Absolutely.

Autistic adults often describe the moment they first consider autism as “like someone finally handing me the instruction manual to myself.”

What’s important is this:

• Not knowing earlier doesn’t invalidate your experiences.

• Getting curious about yourself is a sign of strength, not failure.

• Understanding neurodiversity can improve your wellbeing, relationships, and self-compassion.

What should you do if you suspect you might be autistic?

​

1. Start with reflection

​Take your time exploring credible resources, such as:

NICE guidance on Autism Spectrum Disorder.

​2. Talk to a healthcare professional

​Whether through your GP or a specialist clinic (like ours at NeuroDiverseKids), a conversation can help clarify what’s relevant and what isn’t.

3. Consider a formal assessment

Some adults find an autism assessment life-changing; others simply value having more understanding. There’s no right or wrong route.

4. Remember: understanding yourself helps you understand your child

For many parents, noticing autistic traits in themselves helps them support their autistic or neurodivergent child with greater empathy, patience, and confidence.

Final thoughts​

If you’re asking the question “Could I be autistic and not have known?”—you’re already taking an important and compassionate step. Whether you pursue a diagnosis or simply learn more, you deserve clarity, support, and a framework that makes sense of your lived experience.

And if your journey helps you better understand your child?

That’s a win for the whole family.

At NeuroDiverseKids, we’re here to support neurodivergent children - and the adults raising them - every step of the way.

​Book an assessment or discuss treatment.