ADHD and School: Why is my child fine at home but struggling in the classroom?

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Many parents ask the same worried question:

“My child seems fine at home - so why are they struggling so much at school?”

At home, your child might:

• Chat easily

• Play for long periods

• Focus on Lego, games, or drawing

• Seem calm and settled

At school, it’s a different picture:

• Poor concentration

• Behaviour concerns

• Emotional outbursts

• Teachers suggesting “something might be going on”

If this sounds familiar, you are not imagining it.

This pattern is very common in children with ADHD - and it does not mean your child is lazy, naughty, or choosing to struggle.

ADHD at Home vs School: Why the difference?

Home and school might look similar to adults.

To a child with ADHD, they are completely different environments.

At home, children with ADHD often have:

• Familiar routines

• Fewer people

• Less noise

• More freedom to move

• Flexible expectations

• Parents who naturally adapt things for them

Most parents don’t even realise how much support they’re giving.

At school, children with ADHD must:

• Sit still for long periods

• Follow long instructions

• Cope with noise and crowds

• Switch tasks constantly

• Control emotions in public

• Keep up academically

For an ADHD brain, this is not “a bit harder”.

It is mentally exhausting.

ADHD Is not about effort or intelligence

Here’s the simple truth.

ADHD affects the brain skills that help children:

• Start tasks

• Stay focused

• Remember instructions

• Control impulses

• Manage emotions

These skills are called executive functions.

In ADHD, they are:

• Slower to develop

• Inconsistent

• Easily overwhelmed

So a child may:

• Know what to do, but not do it

• Want to behave, but struggle to stop impulses

• Understand the work, but lose track halfway

This is why people say:

“They’re bright, but they don’t apply themselves.”

What that really means is:

“Their brain struggles to organise itself.”

Why children with ADHD often cope better at home

1. Parents provide hidden support

At home, parents:

• Remind

• Prompt

• Break things down

• Adjust expectations

Without realising it, you are acting as your child’s extra brain.

2. Home feels emotionally safe

At home:

• Mistakes are private

• Big feelings are allowed

• There’s less pressure

School is public - and pressure changes behaviour.

3. Children can move

Movement helps ADHD brains focus.

​Schools usually expect stillness.

Why school is often the breaking point for ADHD

School combines everything ADHD finds difficult:

• Noise

• Crowds

• Time pressure

• Social rules

• Constant transitions

• Fear of getting things wrong

When the brain is overloaded, behaviour often falls apart first.

This can look like:

• Disruptive behaviour

• Emotional meltdowns

• Avoidance

• School refusal

These are stress responses, not bad choices.

“But they can focus on minecraft for hours…”

This confuses many parents and teachers.

ADHD is not a lack of attention.

It is difficulty controlling attention.

Children with ADHD:

• Struggle with boring tasks

• Focus deeply on interesting ones

This is called interest-based attention.

It is not defiance.

It is not laziness.

It is how the ADHD brain works.

Is this masking?

Sometimes, yes.

Some children:

• Hold it together at school

• Then fall apart at home

Others:

• Cope well at home

• Unravel at school

Both patterns are common in ADHD.

Both are real.

What helps children with ADHD at school?

Support works best when the environment changes - not the child.

Helpful school adjustments often include:

• Regular movement breaks

• Clear, short instructions

• Visual timetables

• Seating choices

• Reduced homework

Small changes can make a big difference.

Reduce shame, not just behaviour

Children with ADHD usually know they’re struggling.

What helps most is:

• Understanding

• Predictability

• Feeling safe

• Feeling accepted

Shame makes ADHD worse.

When to consider an ADHD assessment

An assessment may be helpful if your child:

• Copes very differently at home and school

• Has ongoing attention or behaviour difficulties at school

• Is becoming anxious or withdrawn

• Has repeated concerns raised by teachers

Assessment is not about labels.

It’s about understanding what helps.

The most important thing to remember

If your child copes better at home than at school, it does not mean:

• They are lazy

• You are too soft

• Teachers are wrong

• Anyone has failed

It means their brain is working much harder in one environment than the other.

When brains get overloaded, behaviour is often the first thing to break.

Not because children are difficult.

But because they’re human.

FAQ

Why is my child fine at home but struggling at school?

Because school is much harder on the ADHD brain. School demands sitting still, listening for long periods, switching tasks, coping with noise, and managing emotions in public. Home is usually calmer, more flexible, and more supportive without you even realising.

Can a child have ADHD if they behave well at home?

Yes. Many children with ADHD cope better at home because parents naturally provide reminders, structure, and emotional safety. ADHD difficulties often show up more clearly in busy, demanding environments like classrooms.

Is my child “masking” at school?

Sometimes. Some children hold it together at school by using huge mental energy, then fall apart at home. Others struggle mostly at school because it’s too demanding. Both patterns can happen with ADHD.

Why can my child focus on Minecraft but not on schoolwork?

Because ADHD is not a lack of attention - it’s difficulty controlling attention. ADHD brains focus best when something is interesting, rewarding, or highly stimulating. Boring tasks are much harder, even when the child wants to do them.

Is this just bad behaviour or laziness?

Usually not. When a child with ADHD is overloaded, behaviour is often the first thing to break. What looks like “bad behaviour” is often stress, overwhelm, anxiety, or difficulty managing impulses.

What are “executive functions” in ADHD?

Executive functions are brain skills that help with starting tasks, staying focused, remembering instructions, organising work, controlling impulses, and managing emotions. In ADHD, these skills can be delayed or inconsistent.

What school support helps children with ADHD most?

Simple adjustments often help a lot, such as movement breaks, shorter instructions, visual reminders, seating choices, and reduced homework load. Support works best when the environment changes to fit the child.

Should I ask the school for an ADHD assessment?

Schools can’t diagnose ADHD, but they can share observations and put support in place. If difficulties are ongoing and affecting learning or wellbeing, a neurodevelopmental assessment can help explain what’s happening and what support is most useful.

Can my child struggle only at school and still need help?

Yes. If school is where your child’s difficulties are most obvious, that still counts. The goal is support, not “catching them out” in every setting.

When should I worry about anxiety or school refusal?

If your child becomes increasingly distressed, avoids school, complains of tummy aches/headaches, or starts refusing school, it’s a sign they may be overwhelmed. Early support is important.

​Book an assessment or discuss treatment.